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And by “worked for me,” I mean that my husband and I survived the distance; we’re happily married now, living in Japan. Between school, work, friends, and studying – it is hard enough to block out 20 minutes for your favorite trashy reality television show, never mind an hour to chat with your significant other. I have much better time management skills, because the only constant thing in my life are my Skype dates.
He lays out a good way to approach LDRs – regardless of whether you expect to be in an LDR for a couple of months or a couple of years. I’ve noticed as soon as we starting Skype once a day, the number of (and the magnitude of) our fights decreased drastically.
The book is chalk-full of the stories of other couples who have successfully gone the distance. [For more, check out: The Hardest Part of a Long-Distance Relationship – 12 steps for making it work] Don’t check email, Facebook stalk, or work on homework while you Skype. To ease my “fidgeting,” I change positions every ten minutes on Skype.
That’s just disrespectful to your significant other – and you won’t be able to get much work done anyways. I sit in a chair, lay on the bed, spread out of the floor, or walk around the room with the laptop.
We don’t Skype with friends for long, maybe five to ten minutes max – once or twice a month. I love waking up in the morning to find videos of Ryosuke awkwardly lip-syncing to something by Maroon 5, chatting about his day, or dancing around his room. Find what works for you and do it as often as possible. Then we would “eat dinner” together – with a plate of food on the table in between us and the laptops.
Most of my friends laughed when I told them about my Skype dinner dates.
Think of all the times you tried to “study” together when you lived together (or think back on previous relationships). I’m guilty of checking email and Facebook stalking during Skype calls. Just remember: 20 minutes of quality Skype time 20 minutes of quality study time is MUCH better than a crappy hour of Skyping and “studying” where nothing much gets done. Then, you know, we have something to chat about for the next couple days. They can be brought on by anything – a missed deadline, homework piling up, or getting sick.
It will get harder and harder to maintain regular Skype dates if there’s no possibility of closing the distance gap in the near future.(If you must chat in a public space, use the chatbox to reveal any personal details.) If you’re Skyping from home, make a little effort and clean up the place. Keep in mind that your date is equally as excited to see you as you are to see her. There’s always a chance your date will ask for a bit of a virtual tour of your space, so don’t just shove your dirty laundry barely out of view, either. Make sure you’re lit well so she can see your face — and so you look your best. If you’re hoping to avoid double chins and other awkward angles, keep the computer’s camera level with, or slightly above, your eye line. When you’re chatting, don’t stare at yourself on the screen. You’d dress up for an in-person date, so why not put a little effort into a Skype date? It takes a certain type of person to keep a long distance relationship going. There will be fears, tears, frustrations, and lonely nights.
You can’t just jump into it – assuming it will be the same as a “normal” relationship and expect everything to work out. But Long Distance Relationships are NOT impossible.
It all began on a late evening in Toronto when a woman from Los Angeles messaged me on Ok Cupid to say she liked my look, and that it was a shame about the distance.